Tag: trauma

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Do Affirmations Work for YOU?

Do affirmations work for you? I feel like they don’t work for me. Or they just don’t work the way they seem to for others. I started modifying the way I was using them and it’s made a BIG difference. Obviously, this isn’t my usual carnivore health content, but it is still very much related. I have experienced some crazy things since beginning my mission for better health and healing with a meat-based diet. Some traumatic memories have surfaced and I’m dealing with them now – or at least not burying them.

I’m about to get pretty vulnerable here, so please be kind. 

Self-Doubt

Lately, I have a constant flow of doubt and feelings that I’m not making a difference, that what I do doesn’t really help anyone, and that my ‘gifts’ aren’t contributing anything of worth to the world. I have feelings of failure, letting others down, and feelings of selfishness for pursuing a dream instead of a paycheck. I’m not looking for sympathy here. We all go through this from time to time, I think. But for me, all of the inspirational quotes in the world only remind me of someone in my life who needs to hear those words. I’m not able to apply the sentiment to my own life and believe it. This is what I’m working through now. 

I excel at building others up, encouraging them, and coaxing them along to help them see their value and achieve their goals. But I can’t look myself in the mirror, give myself a pep talk and feel better. The words of affirmation don’t carry any weight – they are just words to me. They don’t land anywhere when I speak them to myself.

I don’t know if I can explain this clearly, but I’ll try. In order to actually feel the effects of positive self-talk or affirmations, I have to pretend that the thoughts and feelings I’m trying to overcome belong to a client, friend, family member, or even a stranger. I think about what’s bothering me and then pretend it’s someone else with that particular problem or challenge. What would I say to them? It’s a natural tendency for me to be encouraging and uplifting to others. Being encouraging to myself feels weird, self-indulgent and self-important to me. 

Here’s where it gets weird…

Here’s the part that may not make sense to anyone else. Once I know what encouraging words I would offer someone else, I have to sort of step outside of myself and turn inward as if I’m speaking to that other person. Does this make any sense at all? Can anyone relate or at least understand?

So, rather than meditating to try to convince myself that these negative thoughts are lies or self-sabotaging, rather than giving myself a pep-talk in the mirror or repeating positive affirmations to myself, I need to imagine someone else has come to me with these negative thoughts and feelings. What would I say to that person?

“You ARE important.” “You DO help others.” “You have a beautiful gift of a caring heart and the ability to express that through writing.” “Those who love you believe in you and want happiness and fulfillment for you. They will support you.” “Don’t let fear keep your light hidden. No one benefits from that.”

Why can’t I just tell myself these things? Why can’t I look myself in the mirror and smile and get all the good feels? Why do I have to imagine stepping outside of myself as if I’m talking to someone completely separate from myself?

Origin Story

Does it come from being told that it’s not polite to put yourself first? Does it come from being taught that you should always allow others to go before you? That you’re not a nice person if you think good things about yourself? That everyone else is better, more deserving? That it is my duty to lift up everyone else? I still wrestle with that. I still believe all of that. Humility and sacrifice is what I was raised on. I was always told not to be selfish. I was a very shy child, afraid to speak up and give the wrong answer or be ridiculed for my thoughts and actions. Is this what caused me to allow others to abuse me and do awful things to me? Probably. I think a lot of bad things happened to me because of that and I learned to detach from myself.

In a way, I have lived most of my life being detached from myself. From a young age I can remember acting on impulse, being reckless, and believing that nothing I want or feel matters. So I detached and went along with what others wanted from me. I had a habit of ignoring my instincts and doing what I perceived would please others who cared nothing for me. I’m just coming back into myself after being detached due to about 35 years of traumatic events.

Here’s where the healing comes in…

Still, I long to be of service to others – but I’ve come to realize I was meant to be of service by leading and teaching. Not by floating along and being an object to be used for others’ various purposes. Through conditioning or through my nature of compassion, I learned to support and encourage others. I will do battle for those who cannot or will not do it for themselves. 

So out of my damage and trauma, I’m turning that detachment into a tool to remind myself of my purpose. I’m spending more time making sure I am intentional and present. When it comes time for a little pep talk with myself, I use my detachment trick and then get right back to the here and now with a lighter feeling and joy in my heart. I use prayer and gratitude daily. That works for me. I will never be someone who will feel entitled to pamper myself, but I am learning to take better care of myself. 

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How the Carnivore Diet Can Relieve Anxiety and Masking Personality

An often overlooked benefit of the carnivore diet is dramatic improvement in mental health. We carnivores know this to be true, but most people don’t come to this way of eating for that specific benefit. Some do, but most are looking for physical changes and/or healing some medical issues. What brought me to carnivore? A couple of things: disordered eating, weight, autoimmune disorders, food addiction, and just being really fucking sick and tired of counting and tracking every damn thing I put in my mouth. But wait, there’s more…

Cleaning out my home office today, I came across a notebook that I had used for many different things. As I flipped through the pages to see if anything important jumped out at me, I noticed I had scribbled some thoughts onto a couple of pages at some point in the last year or two. Maybe three. There are two entries that caught my eye – and both of them completely shattered my heart. I cried for the woman who wrote those thoughts. The version of me who wrote these things is still here, but she has healed so much since then.

One entry was probably written within the last six to twelve months. It’s a whole blog entry all on its own, so I won’t share it here. It’s very similar to my first blog post CARNIVORE MISSION: FOOD ADDICTION AND RESTRICTION, WITH A DASH OF HASHIMOTO’S AND A SIDE OF SHAME. Food addiction, as I write about often, is cruel and sinister. You need food to live, you can’t just avoid it. That causes a whole other issue. I’ve gone that route, too. I’m better now – thanks to carnivore. I will take each day as it comes, but I have zero desire to ever take that ride again.

Masking Personality

The other entry I found, is in regard to something I am still struggling with. But I am so much better than I was when I wrote this:

“It’s exhausting. Being the person people expect you to be. It’s a lie. Every time I flip the switch it drains my soul. I WANT to be that person – that happy, fun, bubbly person. That person who makes a connection with everyone I meet. Maybe I am that person, somehow, somewhere deep, DEEP inside. But the chains, the weight of not being able to act what I feel, to look how I feel when I want to shut out the world. Sleep. Think. Dream. Plan. Heal. Then maybe I could be that person. But for now, the pretending, on-off, on-off, on-off… it’s torture.”

Masking, in my case, has been a way for me to cope with anxiety and depression. I crave friendships and connection but the thought of social situations crippled me. Holidays with extended family was excruciating for me. I dreaded them from the moment the invitation was extended. Smile, converse, look amused, know you’re being judged but pretend you don’t. Or maybe that part was just in my head. Working with the public was exhausting. Smile and greet people, validate them whether they are right or wrong, pander to them because they might be well-connected. I was always completely exhausted. I’ve done this all my life. But get ready, because the mask is about to come off!

Don’t be scared, it’s not as bad as it sounds.

Unmasking

Trauma gets buried under expectations and layered under the day to day. The pain, ailments, work, family, obligations pile up, covering the initial major trauma(s) and we forget it’s there. Too busy to deal and heal. But your body remembers and acts out in ways we cannot ignore. Once we begin trying to heal the physical problems we have created for ourselves, heal the very cells and nourish each one of them so that we can be whole again, those deeper traumas may be revealed and demand to be dealt with.

Through that healing, I’ve discovered a lot about myself and still am discovering more. I’m recognizing my past traumas, naming them, and releasing them. There is no room for them in my life anymore. I’m removing all things from my life that do not serve me in a positive way – including my government job. That is the place where I have had to mask the most. Even though I now feel I am me again, completely authentic. That authenticity is happiness now and I no longer feel like I’m flipping a switch. I have room for joy. My mind is healing along with my body.

How Does the Carnivore Diet Heal?

A carnivore diet means eating only animal products. So many complex things happen in your body in reaction to what you consume, apply, and inject. Yet, it really is very simple. I think of it this way: we are what we eat. Humans are animals. Humans are not plants, we did not sprout up from the ground. We are not manufactured or made up of lab-produced chemicals. Human cells require replenishment with the correct building blocks. We need to replace animal protein with animal protein. You can’t rebuild a brick house with cardboard boxes or sugar cubes and expect the same stable structure. This seems like common sense to me.

Once your cells are healthy and functioning properly, after all of the clutter that is unusable material is removed from your body, you start to think and process more clearly. When your body and your cells are working congruently, your mind can finally deal with everything it needs to deal with – swiftly and clearly.

Me, Revealed

I am very happy to report, that I am actually a very happy person. I’m removing the mask, bit by bit, and I’m finding that I AM that happy, friendly person. I wouldn’t go as far as saying I’m a ‘people person’, and I still get anxious about social gatherings. but it’s getting easier. It’s not a tremendous effort anymore. I’ve found that the ‘on switch’ is the real me. The off switch was my very sick body attempting to recuperate from any effort I put out and the buried trauma that I had not dealt with properly. I still get tired after a particularly people-y day, but I have the tools to refuel and not shut down at 5pm. I gained the strength to leave my job so that I can earn a certification to become a health coach, and focus on helping others heal so they, too, can live a joyful life.

Don’t waste another day.

xoxo

~ The Candid Carnivore